Listen, I'm going to tell you something that might ruffle some feathers, but it's the truth: your mindset is either your greatest weapon against grief or your biggest enemy. And I'm not talking about toxic positivity or pretending everything's fine when it's not. I'm talking about something much deeper.
Grief Doesn't Leave
You see, grief doesn't leave. Let me say that again. Grief doesn't leave. It moves in and takes up permanent residence in your heart and mind. The question isn't how to evict it; it's how to manage it so it doesn't manage you.
Faith isn't just about going to church on Sunday or memorizing Bible verses. It's your anchor when life's storms try to capsize your boat. Remember when Jesus was sleeping in the boat while the disciples panicked in the storm? He wasn't ignoring their fear, He was showing them that peace is possible even in chaos.
Grief Is Like A Storm
Your grief is like that storm. It's real, it's terrifying, and it feels like it might drown you. But faith, real, deep-rooted faith, is the foundation that keeps you from collapsing completely. It doesn't stop the shaking, but it prevents total destruction.
I've worked with many struggling with grief, and here's what I've learned: those who rebuild their lives don't do it by ignoring their pain. They do it by establishing a strong foundation that can withstand the earthquakes of loss.
About Elizabeth, a Grief Survivor
Take Elizabeth Oliver for instance, her story breaks my heart and inspires me at the same time. She lost her husband just days after he got the COVID vaccine, a decision she knew could be dangerous given his health conditions, but one she didn't stop because of family pressure. Then, when she was most vulnerable, her own sister stole $300,000 from her.
Most people would crumble. Elizabeth could have let bitterness consume her. Instead, she held onto her faith like a lifeline. Combined with aromatherapy and face reflexology techniques I taught her, she found a way to process the anger and betrayal without letting it poison her healing and recovery.
The Bible gives us incredible examples of this mindset in action. Job lost everything - wealth, health, children, yet his response was rooted in unwavering faith. When his wife told him to "curse God and die," Job said, "Shall we accept good from God and not adversity?" Job 2:10. That's not denial; that's perspective.
You Can Face Your Giants
David faced giants - literally and figuratively. But notice his mindset when facing Goliath: "You come to me with sword and spear, but I come to you in the name of the Lord." 1 Samuel 17:45.
He wasn't relying on his own strength; he was anchored in something bigger than himself.
You've got giants too. Maybe it's overwhelming sadness, crushing guilt, or paralyzing fear about the future. But like David, you don't have to face them alone.
Mindset - It's Not A One-Time Decision
Here's the thing about mindset - it's not a one-time decision. It's a daily, sometimes hourly choice. Mental blockades will try to sabotage your healing: guilt asking "Did I do enough?", anger at the unfairness of it all, disappointment when life doesn't meet your expectations, or denial that keeps you stuck in the past.
These hindrances are real, and they're normal. The key is recognizing them and having the tools to overcome them.
Forgiveness isn't for the person who hurt you, it's for you. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It's toxic, and it will destroy your peace.
A Tip For Managing Grief
My seven-year-old grandson Ethan taught me something I never even thought of about managing grief. After I explained what grief was, he said, "Grandma, I put my grief in one leg and happiness in the other leg!" At seven, he understood compartmentalization better than most adults.
You can learn to do this too. Put your grief on the shelf, not to ignore it, but to bring it out when it's safe to remember. Because you will want to remember. Those painful memories are part of staying connected to what you've lost.
The foundation of healing starts with your mindset, and your mindset starts with faith. Not blind faith that ignores reality, but anchor-deep faith that holds you steady while you learn to navigate your new normal.
Find Calm In Your Next Steps
Scripture tells us in Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You." Perfect peace doesn't mean the absence of storm, it means the presence of calm in the middle of it.
Your healing journey begins with this decision: Will you let grief define you, or will you define how grief fits into your life? The choice is yours.